Almost Lovers Always Do
by BestFanfictionWritersEver
Summary: Deep inside, she knew she deserved this.  Carly/Freddie, Sam/Freddie.


Deep inside, she knew she deserved this.

Carly lay in bed, her pillow held to her chest, deep in thought. The clock read 12:31AM and was the only source of light within her room. She only really ever let herself think properly when she was safe curled up in her blankets. During the day, it was almost as if nothing had changed. Sam, Freddie and her - laughing and joking during the day, filming iCarly in the evening. She was happy._ She was_. It was just...

Carly let out a frustrated sigh and turned over pulling the covers up over her face. She hated feeling so selfish. She _loathed_ it. It wasn t the kind of person she wanted to be, self absorbed. Everything was the same, except one small detail. Sam and Freddie were dating. And it was as if Carly's world had been turned on it's head.

She never saw it coming. It hadn t even been a scenario that had ever crossed her mind. Sam.. and Freddie? It seemed implausible that her two best friends would ever love one another. Tolerate? Yes. Friendship? She'd always hoped. Love? Never in her wildest dreams. But here she was. Facing that reality. Apparently dreams do come true.

Carly couldn t help but let her mind supply the word** nightmare** instead.

She kept up appearances during the day, smiling, laughing and joking on cue. Pretending her mind wasn't screaming _"stop this, oh GOD please stop!"_

Sam and Freddie were so casual with their affection. It was as if their relationship had taken a 360 degree spin and the world had been tossed off it s axis. From one week insults and punches to next week sweet words whispered in ears and knowing glances. Carly would pretend to stare through them, pretend she didn't notice. That she didn't seem to mind. That she didn't feel her stomach churn and bile rise up in her throat.

Carly let out another sigh under her blankets, more than sob than sigh really if she was honest with herself.

She pretended she didn t remember the way it felt to have Freddie whisper private jokes in her own ear, to feel the glance of his hand full of casual affection against her arm, as if it was the naturalist thing in the world. The way he had a special smile reserved just for Carly. A sweet smile that seemed to make his eyes light up, and Carly couldn t help the smile that would stretch across her own face.

Now Freddie was doing these things with Sam. Freddie belonged to Sam. Freddie loved Sam.

To say it was tearing Carly apart would be an understatement.

Carly felt a few tears escape and cursed at herself under her breath. She deserved this. How many times had she rejected Freddie? Told him they were just friends? That he was free to date other people, that he was free to love other people? She thought of all the other boys she'd ever been with. If this was how Freddie had felt every time then she hated herself more than anything in the world. With other girls Freddie had seen he had made it so clear that they were a second choice. That Carly was still on his mind. He still looked at her the way he always had. It was as if his face couldn't hide how much he was constantly amazed by Carly. It had become second nature to her to feel him beside her, a constant and comforting presence.

Now she found herself seeking him out, finding him by Sam's side, beside her instead of Carly. It made Carly feel cold. Cold and lonely. Lonelier than she'd ever felt possible. She felt herself wanting to scream, "It's _me_ you love! _Me_! You've always loved _me_!"

She felt herself thinking about things she'd put to the back of her mind. How it felt to have Freddie's arms wrapped around her, how his lips had felt against her own, his fingers intertwined with hers. Carly had taken Freddie for granted. She'd come to think of him as her own. That he belonged to her. That he would wait for her until she was ready to admit to herself that he was the one afterall. She realised how unfair she had been to expect so much from him. He had deserved so much better.

Carly bit her lip and sniffed, hiding her face in her pillow. She had to quiet her sobs down before Spencer heard. That would be an embarrassing disaster of utter proportions. Spencer had always been perceptive when it came to Carly. He knew and cared about her more than anyone, she was his baby sister after all. He had seen the slightly lost look she would get sometimes. He would bring her over a smoothie and ask, _"What's wrong kiddo?"_ Carly would reply nothing. She was fine. Just a bit tired. He would give her a worried look but let it drop.

She couldn't risk being caught by Spencer. She couldn t make up anymore excuses.

She knew eventually something had to break. That eventually she would have to tell someone how she felt. And she knew that at least someone's heart would get broken. She hoped it was her own.

She loved Sam, Sam was her best friend. They would always be best friends. It was written in their fate that they would always understand each other, love each other. Just because she was now dating Freddie didn t change that.

Carly had images of what would happen. That she'd crack, she'd tell Sam she loved Freddie. That Freddie would find out and sit down and tell her that he loved her too, but not the way she wanted him to. That he d once loved her that way, but she d missed her chance.

Sam and Freddie would grow up together, go to college together. Freddie would propose and they would be the perfect high school sweethearts. They would get married and Carly would be the bridesmaid, a fake smile plastered on her face. They would have children and she would be knows as Auntie Carly and they d have Sam's eyes and Freddie's smile.

Carly picked up her clock on the bedside table and threw it against the wall. She stared at the remains, her teeth bared and tears running down her chin.

"Carly is everything all right!"

Carly was startled out of her anger by the sound of her brothers concerned voice.

"I-I m fine, I m fine! I just tripped on my way to the bathroom!" she called into the darkness.

"As long as you re okay..."

She heard her brother walk in the opposite direction down the hall and let out a relieved sigh. She was sure she'd been caught for sure. She lifted herself from her bed and made her way across the room to her smashed clock. The digital clock blinked a few times before giving up the fight and dying out slowly.

Carly couldn t help but feel sympathy for the clock, she felt that way herself.


End file.
